OH HEYYYY...

Okay, soooooo, I feel way blessed.

Although a lot has fallin apart in my life, a lot has fallin into place in my life. New friends and others. I definitely thought this new step in life would be unbearable, but it is indeed bearable. I have give most the credit the the people who have walked into my life. Everything happens for a reason, and I believe this is very good reasoning. I'm bad ass, I'm beautiful, I'm a great person, I'm confident and I'm successful. I guess throwing all that positive energy out into the universe really payed off! It came right back my way and sent me people with all my same qualities like you read above. Everyday gets easier and easier and makes sense, but I know I still have A LOT to learn. Because of all of this, I know what I want out of life. I am going to be me, and never hide who I am, bad or good. God knows I have a met a few friends who already that love it all and I'm so thankful. I am going to concentrate on being the best I can be and doing everything I have been wanting to, Job, career, travel, experience life to the fullest, make mistakes and learn, etc. So far, I am doing a pretty good job. To wrap this all up, I'm doing okay, I'm happier than I have been the past month, going stronger than ever, more determined than ever. :))

Still Standing..

Well A LOT has happened within the past month.
I lost everything that meant the most to me. The man I thought/knew I would marry is gone.
My car, my place, my puppy Hanna, everything is gone. Sorry this post isn't the happiest. There
isn't anything happy to write about. I am just blessed to be alive and standing even though most
days I feel dead. I haven't come to realization of it all yet and I'm sure I won't ever. It's so hard to be happy when the few things that made you the most happy are gone. And when you are happy, the happy now doesn't compare to how happy you were then. I guess the only thing I can do is pretend I am alright, believe it and eventually everything will be alright. It has worked in the past and hopefully will this time..

Tell yourself what you deserve, and you will recieve.

Boy, have I had a crazy bitter sweet last few months..
I probably am going to just ramble, but I am so excited and have so many thing I wanna talk about. I guess that's what happens when you have nothing to blog about for a few months and it all pops up at once! But let me try my best so here go nothing!...

These past few months have been bitter sweet, losing and gaining things every day from friends, to materialistic stuff, to everyday life problems. But the one thing that stood out to me the most is finally listening to the saying "Tell yourself what you deserve, believe it, and you will receive it".

My whole life I have always whined and complained how I never have enough 'true, good friends' or any friends at all.. I never had any, cause I felt I didn't deserve them, or they would think I was weird and wouldn't like me for the real Natalie, who is VERY nerdy, weird, free- spirited and troublesome at times. Well the past few months, I made it be known I do deserve people, and I love who I am. I am attracting girlfriends like crazy! I feel so effing cool! Haha. I am miss popular right now and loving it! Everyone wants a piece of that Natty! Why, you say!? Cause for the past year, I finally am me and not afraid to show people me, the real person I am. Weird or not, I am attracting so many people to me. If I would have known just being the real me and known I would have turned out like this I would have started soooo many years ago, but I was scared. To conclude this short blog, the saying "Its better to be extremely weird, than extremely boring" Is the truest statement I have ever lived by. Although I have questionable beliefs, likes and judgment, it is a breath of fresh air to most. I am so extremely grateful to be the person I am today. I am so happy to be the girl to show everyone its okay to be yourself! Whether your crude, loud, annoying, chill, beautiful, reckless, funny, addictive (which I am all of the above :/).. If you try your whole life pleasing others or looking like what the world would like a lady to look like, your not really living how you would like to. Never be scared of who you are. Ladies rarely make history, Its the crazy, realist, free spirits who leave an imprint wherever they go.. :) And I thank god I could be blessed to be one of those girls.

Here are just some random pics of the fun I have been having, and my life in the past few months. :)

 

Ivisible Children.

This whole Kony thing has hyped me up so much! I love when us as citizens can make a difference! People say, "It's been going on for 30 years and nobody cared til now"? That because the majority of people didn't know about it til this great guy came along. I hope everyone can pass this along so these precious children can be children and stop worrying about whether they are going to live or die day to day... Take the time to view this and you wont be sorry.

Friends.

The past two weeks have been pretty rough hence the reason I haven't gotten on here in that while. I suffer with a thing called manic depression. Some days can be more challenging than others but its nothing I cant handle! Ive dealt with it my whole life and do a damn good job coping with it and handling it without the help of prescriptions. The herb store is such a blessing, Natural is the way to go! (Now back on the subject). AS I WAS SAYING, these past two weeks I fell into a very sad state. When I am usually in this state I lock my self away and put on a Disney movie and handle it on my own with no help at all. This time was different, I had a feeling to call my three best friends, my sister Nicki, Katy and Alecia. This whole time I thought nobody cared or had time to notice my feelings, I came to learn that day it was all in my head. That is the point of depression, it WANTS YOU TO FEEL ALONE, and truth is I am not. With one phone call Katy and Alecia dropped EVERYTHING they were doing and picked me up. We were with each-other non stop for the next 3 days. The only time I wasn't with one of them would be when they were at work but immediately after, they were here next me. My sister Nicki still calls and texts me almost everyday to see how I am doing. My bond grew stronger with these girls in the past two weeks than ever and I learned I AM loved, and my friends WILL without a doubt be there for me, but how will my friends and family ever know I need help if I don't speak up? It felt so good talking to my sister and two girl friends about my problems rather than locking myself away. Its surprising to me how many people were there for me these past two weeks that I didn't think would be!? This was such a HUGE lesson learned, and I am extremely happy I FINALLY chose to reach out to somebody, never in my life have I ever done this, but now that I have I feel so much better! I love you guys!


Here are just a few pics of our girls night! These girls make me laugh so hard. I am so blessed to have friends EXACTLY like me and goofy! <3

The mustaches I won us at nickelcade! Katy's flame

top-hat was the winner though!

Not the best pic. But hey, at least Katy's hat looks cool!

Finding Yourself?

Life isn't about finding yourself, your bound to come to a dead end and regret all those years of 'searching'. Life is about creating yourself and being whatever or whoever you want to be at any given moment of every day.


Man, what an amazing week I have had! I have had so much joy! Got myself a new bed set and drapes, hung out with my siblings and for the first time in about 5 years my little brother is starting to talk to me again! Also this week I have been thinking about how happy I am that I am finally the person I have always wanted to be without hiding anything! Deep in side I have always been a very nerdy/weird person but never let it show so I could fit in (and it worked). I was popular and liked by most, but I did not like myself. I wasn't true to myself. This year I found a love for myself and my corky weird outlook on life and interests. I have lost a lot of friends due to creating who I have always wanted to be but gained the kind of friends I've always wanted growing up. They are really weird too, but if your weird and a little odd your 'A' okay in my book! :) Its better to be extremely odd and weird than to be extremely boring and unoriginal. Enough of my rambling! I cant wait to get off work. 3 and half more hours to go... Have a good day!

 My cute bed set

Bed cover is reversable to so the busier 

side is on top!

Music.

I have 10 minutes to blow before I get off work and was listening to music thinking how thankful for it I am. I suffer with horrible Bipolar and music for some odd reason is the only thing that can calm me in a horrible rage or deep depression. I dress myself in music everyday. Music determines what I eat, what clothes I wear, and my attitude and my out look on everything from a day to day basis. I guess that's why most people say I am a very complex person. It's not the music that changes me, its me being me with the help of music encouraging me to express who I am and to not be afraid to be more than one thing. I am brave, I am destructive at times, I am weird, I am hyper, I am emotional, I am a dreamer, I am powerful, I can be weak, I can be cocky, I can be spiteful, I can be humble, I am stuck in-between a war of bad and good 24 hours of my day everyday. I am not a person who is labeled as one thing, I am many. I am many because I am not afraid to be who I am. To me? I am anything I want to be at any point of my day. Who says you cant be? 


Today I am full of love and Joy. Colbie Caillat dressed me today. 

I am thankful for my life and everyone in it especially my 

loving best friend/boyfriend Cody.