Tell yourself what you deserve, and you will recieve.

Boy, have I had a crazy bitter sweet last few months..
I probably am going to just ramble, but I am so excited and have so many thing I wanna talk about. I guess that's what happens when you have nothing to blog about for a few months and it all pops up at once! But let me try my best so here go nothing!...

These past few months have been bitter sweet, losing and gaining things every day from friends, to materialistic stuff, to everyday life problems. But the one thing that stood out to me the most is finally listening to the saying "Tell yourself what you deserve, believe it, and you will receive it".

My whole life I have always whined and complained how I never have enough 'true, good friends' or any friends at all.. I never had any, cause I felt I didn't deserve them, or they would think I was weird and wouldn't like me for the real Natalie, who is VERY nerdy, weird, free- spirited and troublesome at times. Well the past few months, I made it be known I do deserve people, and I love who I am. I am attracting girlfriends like crazy! I feel so effing cool! Haha. I am miss popular right now and loving it! Everyone wants a piece of that Natty! Why, you say!? Cause for the past year, I finally am me and not afraid to show people me, the real person I am. Weird or not, I am attracting so many people to me. If I would have known just being the real me and known I would have turned out like this I would have started soooo many years ago, but I was scared. To conclude this short blog, the saying "Its better to be extremely weird, than extremely boring" Is the truest statement I have ever lived by. Although I have questionable beliefs, likes and judgment, it is a breath of fresh air to most. I am so extremely grateful to be the person I am today. I am so happy to be the girl to show everyone its okay to be yourself! Whether your crude, loud, annoying, chill, beautiful, reckless, funny, addictive (which I am all of the above :/).. If you try your whole life pleasing others or looking like what the world would like a lady to look like, your not really living how you would like to. Never be scared of who you are. Ladies rarely make history, Its the crazy, realist, free spirits who leave an imprint wherever they go.. :) And I thank god I could be blessed to be one of those girls.

Here are just some random pics of the fun I have been having, and my life in the past few months. :)

 

Ivisible Children.

This whole Kony thing has hyped me up so much! I love when us as citizens can make a difference! People say, "It's been going on for 30 years and nobody cared til now"? That because the majority of people didn't know about it til this great guy came along. I hope everyone can pass this along so these precious children can be children and stop worrying about whether they are going to live or die day to day... Take the time to view this and you wont be sorry.

Friends.

The past two weeks have been pretty rough hence the reason I haven't gotten on here in that while. I suffer with a thing called manic depression. Some days can be more challenging than others but its nothing I cant handle! Ive dealt with it my whole life and do a damn good job coping with it and handling it without the help of prescriptions. The herb store is such a blessing, Natural is the way to go! (Now back on the subject). AS I WAS SAYING, these past two weeks I fell into a very sad state. When I am usually in this state I lock my self away and put on a Disney movie and handle it on my own with no help at all. This time was different, I had a feeling to call my three best friends, my sister Nicki, Katy and Alecia. This whole time I thought nobody cared or had time to notice my feelings, I came to learn that day it was all in my head. That is the point of depression, it WANTS YOU TO FEEL ALONE, and truth is I am not. With one phone call Katy and Alecia dropped EVERYTHING they were doing and picked me up. We were with each-other non stop for the next 3 days. The only time I wasn't with one of them would be when they were at work but immediately after, they were here next me. My sister Nicki still calls and texts me almost everyday to see how I am doing. My bond grew stronger with these girls in the past two weeks than ever and I learned I AM loved, and my friends WILL without a doubt be there for me, but how will my friends and family ever know I need help if I don't speak up? It felt so good talking to my sister and two girl friends about my problems rather than locking myself away. Its surprising to me how many people were there for me these past two weeks that I didn't think would be!? This was such a HUGE lesson learned, and I am extremely happy I FINALLY chose to reach out to somebody, never in my life have I ever done this, but now that I have I feel so much better! I love you guys!


Here are just a few pics of our girls night! These girls make me laugh so hard. I am so blessed to have friends EXACTLY like me and goofy! <3

The mustaches I won us at nickelcade! Katy's flame

top-hat was the winner though!

Not the best pic. But hey, at least Katy's hat looks cool!

Finding Yourself?

Life isn't about finding yourself, your bound to come to a dead end and regret all those years of 'searching'. Life is about creating yourself and being whatever or whoever you want to be at any given moment of every day.


Man, what an amazing week I have had! I have had so much joy! Got myself a new bed set and drapes, hung out with my siblings and for the first time in about 5 years my little brother is starting to talk to me again! Also this week I have been thinking about how happy I am that I am finally the person I have always wanted to be without hiding anything! Deep in side I have always been a very nerdy/weird person but never let it show so I could fit in (and it worked). I was popular and liked by most, but I did not like myself. I wasn't true to myself. This year I found a love for myself and my corky weird outlook on life and interests. I have lost a lot of friends due to creating who I have always wanted to be but gained the kind of friends I've always wanted growing up. They are really weird too, but if your weird and a little odd your 'A' okay in my book! :) Its better to be extremely odd and weird than to be extremely boring and unoriginal. Enough of my rambling! I cant wait to get off work. 3 and half more hours to go... Have a good day!

 My cute bed set

Bed cover is reversable to so the busier 

side is on top!

Music.

I have 10 minutes to blow before I get off work and was listening to music thinking how thankful for it I am. I suffer with horrible Bipolar and music for some odd reason is the only thing that can calm me in a horrible rage or deep depression. I dress myself in music everyday. Music determines what I eat, what clothes I wear, and my attitude and my out look on everything from a day to day basis. I guess that's why most people say I am a very complex person. It's not the music that changes me, its me being me with the help of music encouraging me to express who I am and to not be afraid to be more than one thing. I am brave, I am destructive at times, I am weird, I am hyper, I am emotional, I am a dreamer, I am powerful, I can be weak, I can be cocky, I can be spiteful, I can be humble, I am stuck in-between a war of bad and good 24 hours of my day everyday. I am not a person who is labeled as one thing, I am many. I am many because I am not afraid to be who I am. To me? I am anything I want to be at any point of my day. Who says you cant be? 


Today I am full of love and Joy. Colbie Caillat dressed me today. 

I am thankful for my life and everyone in it especially my 

loving best friend/boyfriend Cody.

Pretty sad.

I think it is pretty sad that I enjoy reading my blog more than most people do. AND laughing, no lie I read it over&over&over again. I am going to read this post tomorrow and laugh. After reading my hilarious humor I then give myself a pat on the back and tell myself what a bad-ass I am. Never gets old. Thought for the day: Blogger is just another way to write to yourself, laugh about it, and actually talk like your talking to someone. Is this site enabling schizophrenia to millions of Americans? I do believe so, and I myself am falling for it. 


This was a short blog for today. The whole blogger/schizophrenia thing was on my mind ALL DAY at work, so what am I going to do? (of course what every 'normal' person would do.) Blog about it. Talk to myself. Cant wait to get off work and go home to my lover and my furry babies! Its a Workaholics marathon kind of day! Til next time..

A Golden Week!

This week has been my kind of week! I have had so much fun! I hit a few rough patches last week but it all paid off this week! I got a GIGANTIC paycheck, hung out with friends I haven't seen in a really long time and got all the bills payed with a ton of cash left over! I treated myself to some brand new anime movies (I know, my family makes fun of me too! But I don't care.. I LOVE IT!). I bought Cody a present that isn't here yet (I wish shipping was quicker.) I am fixing my car Monday AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST- My cellphone strike came to an end. :(  It's sad when your the only person in the world that DESPISES cell phones and has to be forced to turn one back on. Welp, it was nice while it lasted! I love living in the stone age, I could live perfectly happy without a cell phone or transportation! But... I had to face to cold hard truth, the year is 2012- WAKE UP and live in the now! ON AN UP-NOTE cricket let me exchange my Verizon phone in and get a super nice Android and a cute black and white poke-a-dot cover for only $40 bucks! WHAT A STEAL! I guess I can officially say I am moving up in the world! 


To top my week off- Cody & I are going to yet another JAZZ game! So excited! Jazz games are always promising. Whats better than a whole stadium of die hard Jazz fans yelling profanity to all the other teams? My kind of fun! I think I am going to treat him to dinner too! I'm feeling $100 richer after that great deal at Cricket! (I walked out of there feeling like a just robbed the place, most rejuvenating feeling in the world!) I'm such a cheap ass :/ (Its how I was raised you cant blame me!)....... 

Yes mother, I am dumping my problems on you. :)   


Oh, one more thing... I found a dollar on the ground Monday, could that be why my week has been so amazing? (possibly lucky?).