OH HEYYYY...

Okay, soooooo, I feel way blessed.

Although a lot has fallin apart in my life, a lot has fallin into place in my life. New friends and others. I definitely thought this new step in life would be unbearable, but it is indeed bearable. I have give most the credit the the people who have walked into my life. Everything happens for a reason, and I believe this is very good reasoning. I'm bad ass, I'm beautiful, I'm a great person, I'm confident and I'm successful. I guess throwing all that positive energy out into the universe really payed off! It came right back my way and sent me people with all my same qualities like you read above. Everyday gets easier and easier and makes sense, but I know I still have A LOT to learn. Because of all of this, I know what I want out of life. I am going to be me, and never hide who I am, bad or good. God knows I have a met a few friends who already that love it all and I'm so thankful. I am going to concentrate on being the best I can be and doing everything I have been wanting to, Job, career, travel, experience life to the fullest, make mistakes and learn, etc. So far, I am doing a pretty good job. To wrap this all up, I'm doing okay, I'm happier than I have been the past month, going stronger than ever, more determined than ever. :))

Still Standing..

Well A LOT has happened within the past month.
I lost everything that meant the most to me. The man I thought/knew I would marry is gone.
My car, my place, my puppy Hanna, everything is gone. Sorry this post isn't the happiest. There
isn't anything happy to write about. I am just blessed to be alive and standing even though most
days I feel dead. I haven't come to realization of it all yet and I'm sure I won't ever. It's so hard to be happy when the few things that made you the most happy are gone. And when you are happy, the happy now doesn't compare to how happy you were then. I guess the only thing I can do is pretend I am alright, believe it and eventually everything will be alright. It has worked in the past and hopefully will this time..

Tell yourself what you deserve, and you will recieve.

Boy, have I had a crazy bitter sweet last few months..
I probably am going to just ramble, but I am so excited and have so many thing I wanna talk about. I guess that's what happens when you have nothing to blog about for a few months and it all pops up at once! But let me try my best so here go nothing!...

These past few months have been bitter sweet, losing and gaining things every day from friends, to materialistic stuff, to everyday life problems. But the one thing that stood out to me the most is finally listening to the saying "Tell yourself what you deserve, believe it, and you will receive it".

My whole life I have always whined and complained how I never have enough 'true, good friends' or any friends at all.. I never had any, cause I felt I didn't deserve them, or they would think I was weird and wouldn't like me for the real Natalie, who is VERY nerdy, weird, free- spirited and troublesome at times. Well the past few months, I made it be known I do deserve people, and I love who I am. I am attracting girlfriends like crazy! I feel so effing cool! Haha. I am miss popular right now and loving it! Everyone wants a piece of that Natty! Why, you say!? Cause for the past year, I finally am me and not afraid to show people me, the real person I am. Weird or not, I am attracting so many people to me. If I would have known just being the real me and known I would have turned out like this I would have started soooo many years ago, but I was scared. To conclude this short blog, the saying "Its better to be extremely weird, than extremely boring" Is the truest statement I have ever lived by. Although I have questionable beliefs, likes and judgment, it is a breath of fresh air to most. I am so extremely grateful to be the person I am today. I am so happy to be the girl to show everyone its okay to be yourself! Whether your crude, loud, annoying, chill, beautiful, reckless, funny, addictive (which I am all of the above :/).. If you try your whole life pleasing others or looking like what the world would like a lady to look like, your not really living how you would like to. Never be scared of who you are. Ladies rarely make history, Its the crazy, realist, free spirits who leave an imprint wherever they go.. :) And I thank god I could be blessed to be one of those girls.

Here are just some random pics of the fun I have been having, and my life in the past few months. :)

 

Ivisible Children.

This whole Kony thing has hyped me up so much! I love when us as citizens can make a difference! People say, "It's been going on for 30 years and nobody cared til now"? That because the majority of people didn't know about it til this great guy came along. I hope everyone can pass this along so these precious children can be children and stop worrying about whether they are going to live or die day to day... Take the time to view this and you wont be sorry.

Friends.

The past two weeks have been pretty rough hence the reason I haven't gotten on here in that while. I suffer with a thing called manic depression. Some days can be more challenging than others but its nothing I cant handle! Ive dealt with it my whole life and do a damn good job coping with it and handling it without the help of prescriptions. The herb store is such a blessing, Natural is the way to go! (Now back on the subject). AS I WAS SAYING, these past two weeks I fell into a very sad state. When I am usually in this state I lock my self away and put on a Disney movie and handle it on my own with no help at all. This time was different, I had a feeling to call my three best friends, my sister Nicki, Katy and Alecia. This whole time I thought nobody cared or had time to notice my feelings, I came to learn that day it was all in my head. That is the point of depression, it WANTS YOU TO FEEL ALONE, and truth is I am not. With one phone call Katy and Alecia dropped EVERYTHING they were doing and picked me up. We were with each-other non stop for the next 3 days. The only time I wasn't with one of them would be when they were at work but immediately after, they were here next me. My sister Nicki still calls and texts me almost everyday to see how I am doing. My bond grew stronger with these girls in the past two weeks than ever and I learned I AM loved, and my friends WILL without a doubt be there for me, but how will my friends and family ever know I need help if I don't speak up? It felt so good talking to my sister and two girl friends about my problems rather than locking myself away. Its surprising to me how many people were there for me these past two weeks that I didn't think would be!? This was such a HUGE lesson learned, and I am extremely happy I FINALLY chose to reach out to somebody, never in my life have I ever done this, but now that I have I feel so much better! I love you guys!


Here are just a few pics of our girls night! These girls make me laugh so hard. I am so blessed to have friends EXACTLY like me and goofy! <3

The mustaches I won us at nickelcade! Katy's flame

top-hat was the winner though!

Not the best pic. But hey, at least Katy's hat looks cool!

Finding Yourself?

Life isn't about finding yourself, your bound to come to a dead end and regret all those years of 'searching'. Life is about creating yourself and being whatever or whoever you want to be at any given moment of every day.


Man, what an amazing week I have had! I have had so much joy! Got myself a new bed set and drapes, hung out with my siblings and for the first time in about 5 years my little brother is starting to talk to me again! Also this week I have been thinking about how happy I am that I am finally the person I have always wanted to be without hiding anything! Deep in side I have always been a very nerdy/weird person but never let it show so I could fit in (and it worked). I was popular and liked by most, but I did not like myself. I wasn't true to myself. This year I found a love for myself and my corky weird outlook on life and interests. I have lost a lot of friends due to creating who I have always wanted to be but gained the kind of friends I've always wanted growing up. They are really weird too, but if your weird and a little odd your 'A' okay in my book! :) Its better to be extremely odd and weird than to be extremely boring and unoriginal. Enough of my rambling! I cant wait to get off work. 3 and half more hours to go... Have a good day!

 My cute bed set

Bed cover is reversable to so the busier 

side is on top!

Music.

I have 10 minutes to blow before I get off work and was listening to music thinking how thankful for it I am. I suffer with horrible Bipolar and music for some odd reason is the only thing that can calm me in a horrible rage or deep depression. I dress myself in music everyday. Music determines what I eat, what clothes I wear, and my attitude and my out look on everything from a day to day basis. I guess that's why most people say I am a very complex person. It's not the music that changes me, its me being me with the help of music encouraging me to express who I am and to not be afraid to be more than one thing. I am brave, I am destructive at times, I am weird, I am hyper, I am emotional, I am a dreamer, I am powerful, I can be weak, I can be cocky, I can be spiteful, I can be humble, I am stuck in-between a war of bad and good 24 hours of my day everyday. I am not a person who is labeled as one thing, I am many. I am many because I am not afraid to be who I am. To me? I am anything I want to be at any point of my day. Who says you cant be? 


Today I am full of love and Joy. Colbie Caillat dressed me today. 

I am thankful for my life and everyone in it especially my 

loving best friend/boyfriend Cody.

Pretty sad.

I think it is pretty sad that I enjoy reading my blog more than most people do. AND laughing, no lie I read it over&over&over again. I am going to read this post tomorrow and laugh. After reading my hilarious humor I then give myself a pat on the back and tell myself what a bad-ass I am. Never gets old. Thought for the day: Blogger is just another way to write to yourself, laugh about it, and actually talk like your talking to someone. Is this site enabling schizophrenia to millions of Americans? I do believe so, and I myself am falling for it. 


This was a short blog for today. The whole blogger/schizophrenia thing was on my mind ALL DAY at work, so what am I going to do? (of course what every 'normal' person would do.) Blog about it. Talk to myself. Cant wait to get off work and go home to my lover and my furry babies! Its a Workaholics marathon kind of day! Til next time..

A Golden Week!

This week has been my kind of week! I have had so much fun! I hit a few rough patches last week but it all paid off this week! I got a GIGANTIC paycheck, hung out with friends I haven't seen in a really long time and got all the bills payed with a ton of cash left over! I treated myself to some brand new anime movies (I know, my family makes fun of me too! But I don't care.. I LOVE IT!). I bought Cody a present that isn't here yet (I wish shipping was quicker.) I am fixing my car Monday AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST- My cellphone strike came to an end. :(  It's sad when your the only person in the world that DESPISES cell phones and has to be forced to turn one back on. Welp, it was nice while it lasted! I love living in the stone age, I could live perfectly happy without a cell phone or transportation! But... I had to face to cold hard truth, the year is 2012- WAKE UP and live in the now! ON AN UP-NOTE cricket let me exchange my Verizon phone in and get a super nice Android and a cute black and white poke-a-dot cover for only $40 bucks! WHAT A STEAL! I guess I can officially say I am moving up in the world! 


To top my week off- Cody & I are going to yet another JAZZ game! So excited! Jazz games are always promising. Whats better than a whole stadium of die hard Jazz fans yelling profanity to all the other teams? My kind of fun! I think I am going to treat him to dinner too! I'm feeling $100 richer after that great deal at Cricket! (I walked out of there feeling like a just robbed the place, most rejuvenating feeling in the world!) I'm such a cheap ass :/ (Its how I was raised you cant blame me!)....... 

Yes mother, I am dumping my problems on you. :)   


Oh, one more thing... I found a dollar on the ground Monday, could that be why my week has been so amazing? (possibly lucky?).

Urban Dictionary.

I am super bored here at work.. And there is nothing particular to blog about so I am going to give the urban dictionary meaning to my name along with my best friends names! I will judge whether its true or not... Hopefully that will cure my boredom.. 

	Natalie
	A very pretty girl who is shy at first but then she will open up. She is very trustworthy and has a great sense of humor. She falls for people fast and doesn't trust easily. She is beautiful inside and out people just don't realize it..... yet. Shes kickass and a great friend to have. Man, Natalie is the total package. I got to get me a Natalie Yep, totally 100% me. Imma keeper. ;) ON TO THE NEXT! Erika Possibly one of the sexiest girls on the face of the earth. They are so much fun to be around, But, a downside is that they are too fine for you. Usually not skanks or hoes have tons of friends and are in middle class families. Has friends that will destroy people that want to harm her. Gets hit on a lot by guys isn't stuck up or a bitch, although they tend to have a bitchy friend or two.  She is pretty sexy lol, but.... All the rest is not true, she does not get hit on by a million guys, she lesbian and they all know that. The only bitchy friend would probably be me?? Urban dictionary.... You suck.   Katy An adjective used to describe a pair of gorgeous legs. Sexy, shapely, lusciously long legs. She does indeed have some mighty fine legs! lol ;) Last but not least!    Cody 1) An attractive guy that chicks digg. 2) A being who has a level manliness about them of which is somewhat subtle yet unparalleled, and which is sometimes mistaken by lesser men as gayness. 3) A higher level of man who endures a multitude of gay jokes, but is in reality much more straight than the lesser men who provoke him. SPOT ON! This is exactly Cody to the 'T'. Bless his heart! He's such a gem! WELP, my boredom is cured! AND I'm off work. Time for a night out with my girls, until then goodbye blogger world see ya tomorrow (best to bet on next week or something like that, I suck at blogging as you can see!) BLAH BLAH BLAH BYE!

My lifes own Melody

If my life had a melody I'm sure it would be a Frank Sinatra tune.
Confused, happy, beautiful.

This week has had its ups and downs. This week has been trying so hard to get the best of me but I didn't let it. Saturday I found out a kid I knew died from an overdose before I went to the Jazz game with Cody. (Probably should not have taken it this way but..) The whole entire ride up I was in the best mood. It took me one glance at Cody and his warm, adorable beaming smile to realize, I am alive when I shouldn't be, and so is Cody. For me it was a day to celebrate a second chance we were both given. (A little late?) Ya, I know! But better late then never right?? Not a lot of people get that second chance in life, but we sure did! Here are some pictures of the Jazz game! (the majority of the pictures are of Kris Humphrey.. Sorry, I had a bit of a celebrity shock moment KNOWING he was married to the one and only Kim Kardashian! I don't know why I love/stalk that girl so much?) ANYWAYS...

 GO JAZZ!!

 Tepinyaki dinner before the game!

 Cody's cheesy kissy face! Ha ha. He's a hoot.

 Khris, if Cody ever dies.. YOU WILL be mine.

 The ride home from the Jazz game. And yes why yes,

Codys eyes are like that all the time! lol

 Just a couple of best buds who happen to

be madly in love. 

 Some, they may go for Cocaine.

I'm sure that if I took one sniff

It would bore me terrifically, too.

Yet I get a kick out of you.

-Frank Sinatra.

   Sound track to my life.

Alzheimer's

Tis true. I am developing a mild case of Alzheimer's.
Well, at least that is what Cody and I have come to believe. 

To explain this, let me explain.

Last week I lost mine and Codys last set of keys. When I say Keys I mean house and Jaguar keys along with golds gym passes and my tanning pass all hooked on one ring. We had another set but I lost those too. I could have sworn I left them at the bank so I called (nope not there). Maybe in my dads truck? (Nope not there either). We were all out of Ideas. We get home and have to call the maintenance man to come unlock our door. Needless to say, we have been leaving our sliding door unlocked having to use that as our front door for the past week and a half. (Yes you can laugh, it is ghetto).

Now here comes the funny part... Today at work near the end of my day I get a crazy hankering for candy. There is ALWAYS sweets at my work! But this week we ran out! I had to dig through every drawer if I was going to find the last of the candy! I open a drawer in the kitchen.... THERE ARE MY KEYS! BAM, it hits me and I have a flashback of why they are there.

On the day my keys went missing Cody happened to call me up and tell me he was going to pick up our house keys and go home... I was off in a half hour, why would you wanna make two trips??? HE INSISTED he was going to come get them anyways. So me being the cunning little brat I am I told him I was going to hide the keys so he wouldn't have to make two trips along with making me wait. WELP, moral to the story is... Cody darling, trying to make two trips is calling for trouble.. I'm going to go ahead and blame this one on you.. I don't want to accept the fact that I am 22 yrs. old and my memory is already taking its tole on me! :)




Dear Alzheimer's, catch me in 20 years and I will gladly welcome you with open arms! :)

Grimy. Dirty. Dexter.

For those who have not experience the show Dexter I feel really sorry for you and your life must suck.
Okay.. I take back the 'your life sucks' part but it kind of does if you have not witnessed this genius show. Anyone who knows me well enough (boyfriend/family/best friends) knows that I have a weird fascination and obsession with serial killers. (I know I'm weird, and it is just one of those things we will never understand) SO GET OVER IT. Geez. Anyways, as soon as I found out this show was not only about a serial killer (which we all know serial killers are genius people and fascinating!) but he is a serial killer that ONLY kills the serial killers that kill innocent people! AND THAT makes the show even more genius and brilliant! AH, I love it! 
Soooo, due to this 'me suddenly becoming addicting', I am proud to announce I got Cody addicted! Weird right!? Cody thinks everything is 'gay'. Welp, props to me! Cody and I basically have been laying around the house on weekends and after work during week days doing nothing but watching Dexter the past two weeks. Greasy hair, blankets and food everywhere, the whole SHABANG! I have slowly but surely been pulling out of it considering I am turning into one of those World of War Craft freaks only its Dexter. And the fact that I cant walk outside at night alone without my knife in fear of being murdered is pretty sad. 

Dexter, my love.

You complete me to say the least.

One year down!

One 'happy' year down and many more to come!

2011 was the first year of my life (honestly speaking) I have ever fully been happy. Before last year it WAS impossible to be happy. 

Every New Years Eve for the past 5 years I was either in Jail, on drugs, in rehab, or homeless. And every single year I would wake up on New Years day and regret everything I have ever done and accept the fact that I have no job, I'm an addict, I have no car, no life and at that point and time no family. (They love me, but I screwed them over. It was a trust issue.) I CANNOT believe I chose to live that way! It took me six years to pull my head out of my ass, but six years I wouldn't trade for the world.

This New years I looked back on my year and this is how it went:

I finally got out of a marriage that was toxic (Best choice ever!) I went to a lot of therapy and found a love in myself and found a meaning of life. I lived my life to master it, not survive it. I decided to choose sobriety over drugs (minus a glass of wine every once and a while!) I met the love of my life and he taught me, its okay to be myself. It's better to be extremely weird than extremely boring. Him and I bring out our goofy side (our favorite side) more and more everyday. I work full time and got promoted to a very important job when I thought I could never be that important anywhere! I now make more money than most girls my age. Before I made nothing, due to the fact I couldn't hold a job long enough. I mended relationships and had a harsh reality check when I realized how much I have missed my family (my best friends)! Instead of stealing money from my parents, I gave my parents a Christmas later finding out they had NO money. I got a car and my own place (which is beautiful, with amazing furniture I earned!). I received the dog I have been wanting since I was a child from Cody, a Rottweiler. And last but not least, I learned from my divorce and everything I went through in the past 5 years... I will never give up. Whether its my relationship with Cody, my job, my career or just an everyday life situation, I WILL NEVER GIVE UP.  I am a stronger, smarter and more intelligent person than I thought I was. Sometimes it just takes a person more challenges and time to realize it though. 

This is the first year of my entire teenage/adult life I am 100% happy. I have felt peace and not been afraid to be myself. 2011 I found myself and the things that really matter and will always remember that. But now I'm over it and CANNOT wait to see what 2012 brings me and my goals!!

 Hanna Greeting daddy at the door!

 My pretty bathroom!

 My beautiful Living room along with my two kitties! :)

 Living room/hallway/kitchen/Bar

 Cody and our Christmas morning! <3

My princess and dream dog, Hanna xoxo :)